


is it hot in here?

by renmoojunskz



Series: underrated ships oneshots (or overrated idk) [4]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Fighting, Fluffy sometimes, Heavy Angst, M/M, Pain, Past Relationships, Slow Burn, Smoochies, also drunk, but oh boy jisung does, changbin thinks he doesnt have emotions, cute chanlix, domestic chanlix, fast updates hopefully, its binsung i sweaR, ive decided to add more chapters, jisung is big sad, lowkey fluff soon, mature bc drunk stuff and fights, minhos a dick oops, stray kids - Freeform, uwu married chanlix, woojins kind of an ass
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-15 14:41:15
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 7,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19618888
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/renmoojunskz/pseuds/renmoojunskz
Summary: jisung isnt a sociopath. because that would mean he cant possibly be in love with changbin. but he most definitely is.





	1. Chapter 1

"is it hot in here or is it just me?" changbin laughs. 

"it's just you." jisung slurs.

it goes quiet and even in jisungs drunken state, he knows he said something wrong.

"what?" 

"what…?" jisung mimics.

"i think you've had too much to drink." changbin clears his throat, taking jisungs cup and guiding the younger through the club and out the door.

"what? no! i was having fun!"

"yeah and you were hitting on me so i think you've had too much."

"what's that mean?" jisung hiccups, clutching changbins arm and stumbling.

"it means you're hitting on every boy you lay eyes on which isn't good for you, your self esteem, or my emotions. so let's go home." 

"your emotions??" 

"yes my emotions."

"what about them-" jisung trips and changbins arm springs out and catches him, pulling him back to keep walking.

"what about my feelings?" changbin chuckles. "well i have them for one. unlike you." 

"hey! i have-" hiccup. "i have emotions!"

"yeah right." changbin snorts. "we have been friends for what? 10 years? and i know for a fact you don't have emotions."

"yes i do. i have feelings. for you at least." jisung pouts, kicking a rock. "maybe i just-" hiccup. "don't like showing my feelings because im trying to-" hiccup "keep my feelings for you under the wire."

"under the wire? jisung i think you mean- never mind you've had so much to drink i shouldn't even be correcting you let alone listening to this rubbish."

"rubbish? you complain about me not having emotions and then when-" hiccup "when i try to tell you that i-"

"jisung seriously. you need to stop talking."

"but i-"

"you're going to hurt MY feelings which i actually have so-"

"CHANGBIN!"

"WHAT?!"

the two stare at each other and its quiet other than jisungs hiccups and the pounding music from a nearby club.

"i have feelings for you." jisung huffs. "stop being ignorant and let me explain."

"you're so drunk." changbin blinks. "we are almost home and you can sleep and then-"

"i don't want to sleep!" 

"jisung you need to sleep-"

"I AM NOT GOING TO SLEEP! im tired of you bossing me around!! im not a child! just because ive had my heart broken recently doesn't mean i need to be babied and bottle fed! especially with the boy i've been in love with for 9 years! stop. controlling. me."

"jisung-"

"stop."

it's quiet and they keep walking.

"im going to throw up." jisung states and proceeds to turn to the storm drain and do just that.

changbin sighs.

he catches jisung as the younger begins to fall and hoists him onto his back.

"are you sleeping in my room tonight?"

"no jisung."

"why not?"

"because."

"because you have emotions?"

"... yes jisung. because i have emotions."

pause.

"jisung?"

"i have emotions too…" jisung yawns.

"go to sleep jisung."

"if i do will you kiss me in the morning?"

"kiss you?"

jisung nods.

"why would i do that?"

"you're in love with me too right?"

"i-"

"great. im going to sleep. you kiss me in the morning."

"but-"

"good night hyung."

-

jisung in fact woke up in changbins bed. 

but he found changbin in his.

he was never a forgetful drunk, he knew what he said last night.

he also knew that changbin would react like this. that's why he never confessed.

he slowly climbs into his bed, taking note that changbin has changed not only jisungs clothes but his own, and lays his head on changbins chest.

"im awake." changbin mumbles.

"oh. can i have a kiss now?"

its silent.

maybe he thought jisung was joking. jisung jokes a lot. in their 10 years of friendship he has joked about sucking changbins dick at least 2 times a week.

"im not kidding."

"yes you are. you're always kidding."

jisungs heart thumps in his chest.

"you don't have emotions so you don't understand that other people get hurt by things like this." changbin rolls out of bed and stands. 

"i have feelings."

"jisung you lost everyone in your life. your whole family. your first love. the only boy youve dated fucking broke your heart. ever since that fire back in middle school, you've been cold. you don't even love anymore. that's why i think minho was a lie and all those night crying were just so i wouldn't think you were a sociopath. and don't get me started on hyunjin. he didnt even know your name let alone that you love him! you don't have feelings jisung. so i would really appreciate if you stop fucking playing with mine!"

jisungs lip quivers and he scrambles to his feet. "you think i'm a sociopath?" 

"wait no i didn't-"

"i get it. i lost my family in a fire. i lived with my friends family since and that friend hated me because he was too busy dealing with the new boy who was Australian like him. so i fell in love with hyunjin who never knew i existed and called me jake on the last day of high school. then i let myself fall again for minho who ended up just wanting sex and broke up with me because i was a prude. im sorry im fucked up and hide my emotions. but i hope you know that you just fucked up because you're the only person that i trust."

"wait! jisung!"

but he was flying out the apartment door and down into the street.

where he runs directly into someone.

"woah there! im sorry. you okay?" jisung sniffles and nods. "you're crying. lets get you out of this rain."

it was raining? jisung didn't notice.

what he did notice was the way this stranger held his waist and hugged him close.

how soothing his voice was and how nice he was. especially when he bought jisung hot chocolate.

and he did notice just how pretty this stranger was.

"hi, by the way. im woojin. i just moved here. but i think you're the prettiest boy i have ever seen."

jisung could get used to this.


	2. not the same

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING!
> 
> DRUNKEN FIGHTING, ARGUMENTS, DRUNK ABUSE, INSULTING, EMOTIONAL ABUSE.

it had been 2 whole months.

"no way. seriously. i don't do bets."

"just because you know you're going to lose!" jisung laughs loudly.

he had never told woojin what happened or anything about changbin. woojin was too nice to pry.

or so jisung thought.

"i am not!" woojin huffs. "fine! i win, you have to kiss me. you win, -"

"and i get free ice cream for life from your shop!" he owns an ice cream shop.

"deal."

they were dating but they haven't kissed yet.

honestly, neither boy knew much about the other when it came to the past.

jisung lost.

they kissed.

to woojin, it was perfect. flying angels and rainbows and butterflies.

to jisung, it was just wet.

but he didn't say that.

instead, he asked, "wanna go out tonight?"

"no. i don't go out. you know that." woojin sighs, turning the game console off.

"yeah. but why?"

"its nothing."

"then come on!!! i wanna dance and get drunk."

"no-"

"ill go alone. in my tight leggings." jisung banters.

"ill go then."

ka ching! jisung thought.

but oh was he so wrong.

-

at first, it was fun.

until 3 drinks later.

that's when woojin got a little too… handsy.

"hyung i don't- like that- please- get off-" jisung sputters around woojins lips.

he shoves at the older boys hands on his ass and pushes him away.

"wow. what a fucking buzzkill. let's go home."

the hand on jisungs arm wasn't as gentle as changbins when he took jisung home drunk. it was hard and dug in.

but woojin was sweet. he had never called jisung a sociopath or called him a prude… yet…

"hyung ow- that hurts." jisung struggles.

but woojin simply throws open their apartment door and flings jisung inside.

"hyung-!"

"shut the fuck up!" woojin screams, face red, veins popping out. he throws the vase. glass shatters on the floor.

jisung flinches.

"you don't tell me no! you fucking conceited fucking bitch!" 

the words went straight to jisungs emotions. that he apparently didn't have. at this point, he agreed with changbin on that.. until now. now he felt it.

"you ugly fucking cunt! so secretive and prude like! i know youre a fucking slut just stop acting like a fucking kid! honestly? youre fucking disgusting. i cant stand to look at your fat ugly fucking body." 

it did hurt. but jisung stared blankly.

he had gone through heartbreak. but never abuse.

and it was only 2 months. why does it hurt so fucking bad?

the insults continue to be thrown as well as a table, more decor and even a kitchen chair.

jisung sits silently, hearing everything as though he were in a fishtank.

he only noticed woojin leave when the door slammed and a picture fell.

he picks up the broken frame and stares at the picture of him with woojin, smiling.

he takes the picture out and crumples it.

then he takes his phone out and dials a number.

it's been a while since he has called.

he prays that they answer.

after what felt like years, he hears someone pick up.

"hello?"

"chan."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uwu sorry. lmk what you think,,,??


	3. familiarity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> i had to make chan a country ass cigarette smokin motorcycle ridin dad in this akdnskdndnd leave me alone idk how it happened either

"hey jisung. what's up? it's been a few years.."

"are you still in seoul?"

"uh yeah i live here w-"

"can you come get me?"

"why?"

"i need help."

"what's wrong??"

"i think im bleeding honestly. i don't remember. but i want to cry. i don't like fighting or yelling and-"

"you and changbin fought?"

"i haven't talked to changbin in 2 months."

"oh.."

"yeah.. can you just-"

"who are you fighting with?"

"my boyfriend please chan-"

"what is it about?"

"i don't know, i think its because im a prude i-"

"minho? are you dating minho?"

"no i-"

"who?"

"hyung just-"

"no who is it i want-"

"PLEASE. just come get me?? he threw shit and yelled and i'm definitely bleeding and definitely crying. please please please."

"send me the address."

jisung waited on the sidewalk.

the familiar sound of a motorcycle engine fill his ears and he looks up, his hearing getting clearer as he stares at his old friend.

"hey." chan says under his helmet.

"is your hair blonde?" jisung asks, wiping his cheeks and standing.

"it is. here." 

jisung stares at the helmet. familiarity.

he takes it, memories of high school skipping school and late night drives filling his mind.

he climbs on and latches onto the older boy, burying his face in chans back.

he smelled the same. cigarettes and vanilla cologne.

jisung lets the wind hit his face, lifting his head for a bit, opening his eyes to see all the lights and signs pass.

it felt the same.

expect chan left him for a boy with brown hair and freckles. just because he was Australian too.

jisung buries his face back in chans shirt and listens to the sounds that he passes.

wind, car horns, music.

finally he slows, turns, and the sounds are different.

millions of different bugs, crickets and cicadas.

he can smell trees and more nature.

did chan live in the country?

his question is answered when chan stops, turning the engine off and sits up.

jisung opens his eyes and is met with an adorable country home.

2 stories probably, surrounded by grass fields and trees in the distance.

an old red corvette sits in the rock driveway by the garage.

it was homely.

jisung stands and takes the helmet off.

"you live here?"

"me and lix, yeah." chan smiles. "speaking of, let's be a little quiet, its late."

jisung nods.

they sneak through the house which jisung takes in to the best of his ability. lots of pictures, clean everywhere. very country home like. he spots a round fat white cat in the kitchen.

upstairs chan opens a door on the right side of the hall.

it's a small room, a bed made with flowery sheets, a chair next to the window and some decorations.

"you can sleep here. ill bring you some clothes hold on." chan says quietly.

jisung watches what room he goes into, the last one at the end, and makes note that there are only 2 more doors on this side so one has to be a bathroom. he has to pee.

chan returns with a shirt and sweatpants.

"thank you.. sorry to be a bother."

chan waves his hand and jisung spots the silver ring. "no its fine. stay as long as you need. lix don't care i promise. make sure you clean your arm. good night."

"good night." jisung replies, staring at the drying blood from the cut on his arm.

he changes and sits in the chair.

he watches the trees sway in the soft wind and counts 3 cars passing the road in the distance, at the end of the driveway, in 2 hours.

the clock says 4am now. he stands.

the house didn't creak which was lucky for him.

he opens the door chan went into earlier and nearly coos out loud.

he remembered felix. but now he was older and blonde.

the two were tangled together and with the blanket, moon light shining in from the large window.

the walls were littered with photos of them.

jisung spots a few of a child as well but doesn't linger.

chan holds felix loosely, and jisung can see that felix is also wearing a silver ring and a small, thin, diamond encrusted band as well.

definitely married.

it had only been 4 years since chan graduated and 2 since felix and jisung did. have they really get married?

4 years since they have talked and 4 years since the last argument.

jisung closes the door and finally finds the bathroom to pee. he wipes the dry blood off too and placed gauze over the cut.

on his way back he nearly trips but catches himself.

finally, he falls asleep.

-

jisung wakes up at 10am to the smell of breakfast.

he trudges downstairs, completely ignoring the noises from below.

until he reaches the source.

"are you uncle jisung????" 

jisung squints down at the thing and smacks his lips, then squints up at chan who is drinking coffee by the window.

"huh? huh? are ya? are ya?" the thing pulls on his arm and he grunts.

"my name is jisung, yes, what are you?"

"it's my daughter, jisung."

jisung opens his eyes a little more to find the thing to actually be a girl.

"you mean bad boy, cigarette smoking, motorcycle driving, tattoo artist, bang chan has a daughter?"

"not a tattoo artist anymore. i own a studio."

"hi jisung." felix greets. "coffee??"

jisung smiles. "thanks."

"you are uncle jisung!" the girl squeaks and continues to pull.

she was cute, deep brown hair and face littered with freckles. her eyes were big and a deep chocolate brown. honestly, she could be biological to them. she had to be no older than 6.

"yes. i assume so."

"im phoebe!" she chirps, pulling him to sit. "but you can call me pheebs! like from the show friends!"

jisung blinks. "you know that show?"

"its felix's favorite." chan sips his coffee.

felix smiles, sliding a cup of coffee to jisung and smiling, "you can stay as long as you like." he whispers.

jisung smiles in return.

he figured that chan wouldn't have even answered and even if he did that he wouldn't get jisung. not with their last fight.

but here he was, drinking coffee sitting with chan and felix, their daughter phoebe playing with dolls on the table next to him. as well as a fat white cat who was named sylvester circling his legs.

it was quite strange.

but all so familiar.


	4. rumors

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> a rumor has begun.

jisungs phone had been blowing up for two days because of woojin.

he turns it off finally, after trying to ignore it.

he can't stay here forever. he already loves phoebe and sylvester too. he had ranted to chan and felix about things that have happened and apologies happened.

but he should go home.

maybe woojin wasn't angry anymore.

he decides to stay for a while longer.

he turns the page on one of felix's novels, something called violent ends, and glances up at chan cutting the grass.

he cuts inside the fence and lets the outside of it grow wild.

a cigarette hangs off his lips and his eyebrows are furrowed as he turns the wheel.

phoebe swings happily on the tree swing and felix is inside, making lunch.

jisung lifts his book up so sylvester can jump up and lay down on his legs and then continues.

this was nice really.

he liked it out here. away from the loud city.

chan finishes the last patch and drives the mower to the shed in the back before coming and scooping phoebe up.

the girl giggles loudly and squeals as chan turns her upside and smiles, flicking his cigarette bud away.

jisung closes the book and stands, the fat cat trotting away into the field.

he follows chan in and smiles happily at the smell of grilled cheese. phoebes favorite.

they sit down and chan pulls phoebe onto his lap and plays with her dolls with her.

they eat quietly and jisung trails up to the spare room for the night, taking a few extra books.

around 9 he flicks his phone back to life only to find no new messages from woojin. but one from changbin.

from: bin

are the rumors true?? did you really??

jisung gulps and his blood runs cold. what rumors? did woojin start a rumor?

as he was beginning to panic, his phone rings and woojins name pops up.

"h-hello?"

"finally! jisung im sorry. you really need to come home. some guy has been here everyday asking for you and all of our old friends and coworkers are talking about how youve been fucking him for years and you-"

jisung zones out as woojin rants.

"he said you are a liar-" "you aren't a virgin-" "slutty and-" "you've fucked every guy in-" "jisung i need you to-" "im not mad i-" "I don't know what to believe-" "im sorry jisung i don't like going out because im a recovering-" "jisung please talk to me-" "i just need-"

"jisung? jisung!" jisung blinks.

"w-what?"

"were you listening?"

jisungs mouth was bone dry. "yes. ill be home soon."

"okay."

jisung hangs up and stands shakily.

he never makes it downstairs because at the landing, everything goes fuzzy and he starts seeing 3 phoebes.

"uncle jisung?"

it was slurred.

and then she's gone and it's black.


	5. thinking out loud

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is kind of crazy but
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING
> 
> DRUNKEN YELLING, MENTIONS OF SLIGHT ABUSE

"jisung? you awake?"

jisung groans and blinks his eyes open.

the phone calls rushes to his memory and he sits up. 

"i need to go home!" jisung coughs.

"uh. i can take you yeah." chan smiles.

jisung gathers his clothes from the first night and changes into them.

"bye uncle jisung…will you visit??"

"of course pheebs." jisung smiles. 

the girl smiles and hugs his legs.

the ride is nice. the sun was setting and the city was lit with colored lights.

jisung was terrified.

chan parks and jisung clambers off. "you sure about this?" 

jisung nods. "if you hear any rumors about me…don't believe them."

chan blinks. "what?"

"just please."

chan nods. "if you need me, im here."

jisung nods and starts his trek up the stairs.

the first thing he noticed when he walked into his apartment was that it was clean and the broken items had been replaced.

"jisung?"

"its me yeah."

"oh god i was worried."

jisung accepts the hug but doesn't hug back.

"are the rumors true..?"

"im a virgin." jisung says. "so if they say anything otherwise, they're not true."

"people have started rumors that in high school you fucked every guy you could. there's a whole list of names and number one is lee minho. theres numbers next to each name that says how many times. its in order of most to least jisung. 18 times with lee minho? 16 with seo changbin? who are these people? bang chan, 12?" 

jisungs blood runs cold.

"jisung. answer me. who are these people?"

he can smell the alcohol now.

"jisung!" he slams his hand down on the table.

jisung flinches. "i-im a virgin! I havent fucked any of them! minho is my ex who broke up with me because i wouldn't and changbin is my ex best friend of 10 years who i was in love with and is the reason we met that night and bang chan is my brother! hes like my brother!" jisung blurts.

"and the others??" woojin shoves the phone in front of him.

jisung gulps and scans the names. there were so many.

"huh? who are they??"

"i don't know! i dont know them! i know their names but i don't know who they are!" jisung yelps. "i haven't fucked anyone!!"

woojin throws his phone down and shoves jisung back. "i swear to god if youre fucking lying to me-"

"im not! you're drunk please let go!" 

jisung squirms away and rushes to the spare room, slamming the door.

he scrambles for his phone.

to: bin

no. you know they aren't true. you're number 2 on that list and you've never even seen me without pants.

jisung sighs, heart pounding as he presses send.

his phone dings a second later.

from: bin

and the others aren't true?

sorry that's stupid. i know you're a virgin. or you were 2 months ago.

jisung laughs breathily. still am, hyung. i still am. he thinks.

to: bin

i am a virgin. i don't even know most of those people.

from: bin

okay. do you know who started the rumors?

to: bin

i have an idea.

jisung sighs. the next text he receives he doesn't look at. or the one after that.

he was so tired and he needed to sleep.

so he passes out in clothes from nearly a week ago with the sound of music seeping under his door.

-

the next morning its silent everywhere.

and jisung decides he needs to end it with woojin and leave.

to: chan

hyung? if i break up with woojin today and pack my stuff, is it okay if i live with you guys until i can get my own place..?

from: chan

of course, sungie. we would love to have you. phoebe already misses you. just text felix when you're ready to go and he will come pick you up in the corvette.

to: chan

thank you..

only after jisung filled his suitcase does he realize how little possessions he has.

and when he remembers most of his things are at changbins, he feels like crying again.

he sends felix a quick text when he finishes packing the rest of his stuff in his backpack and then opens woojins texts.

to: jinnie <3

hey, i think we should break up. we barely know each other and i think you have some kind of alcohol problem and you're starting to really hurt me. physically and emotionally. so i think it's best if i end it here. we can still be friends. just give me a little while first. im sorry.

jisung bites his lip and waits, carrying his suitcase down to the sidewalk.

his phone beeps.

from: jinnie <3

okay.

jisung lets out a breath.

just okay?

he sighs, hopefully that was good..

felix pulls up a bit later and helps jisung put his bag in the back.

"so. changbin." felix starts.

jisung groans.

"you love him right?"

"yes."

"so why did you leave?"

"i told you, he called me a sociopath."

"is that really all?"

with a sigh, jisung looks out the window. "no."

"then why?"

"because i love him."

"that's not a good reason."

"it is when he obviously didn't love me back."

"did he ever say that?"

"... no not really."

"what did he say?"

"he just kept saying i had no emotions when i kept telling him i did have feelings for him and he said i was hurting his feelings. kept saying i was hurting his feelings because i didn't really have emotions."

"you were hurting his feelings because he loves you." felix chuckles.

jisung sighs again. "i don't think so."

"i think you should take a while to figure out this situation that minho started and your feelings and then you should definitely call changbin."

"minho situation?"

"you know he started those rumors."

jisung nods. "yeah probably."

"then let's figure this out together. me you and chan, and then we need to talk to changbin. yeah?" felix reaches and takes jisungs hand.

jisung pulls the boys smaller hand into his lap and holds it with both hands.

his heart pounds. 

he really misses changbin.

a sob leaves his lips.

"i know."

he knows what?

"i know you miss changbin."

am i thinking out loud?

"yes jisung. you are. it's okay to cry you know. let it out."

so jisung does. he screams and sobs. it was painful but it felt so good.

his heart finally aches for changbin, needs him. he wants changbin. 

"i can take you to changbin first. if you just tell me where he is?"

jisung rambles out the address and felix turns the car around, pulling jisungs hand to his lips and kissing it.

"don't worry, jisung. ive got you."


	6. sleep

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung just sleeps.

jisung stayed in the car, crying so hard he was unable to walk.

meanwhile, felix stands at the door the changbins apartment which was in view of jisung. 

the boy had obviously just woken up, shirtless and messy hair, squinting into the light and scratching at his collarbone.

he glances to the car as felix talks.

jisung sees him nod and then the two are making their way to jisung.

he cries harder.

so hard he doesn't hear the door open and doesn't even notice when changbin leans across him and unbuckles his seat belt.

" c-changbin." jisung whimpers, allowing the older boy to lift him up and pull him out of the car.

"yeah im here. hold on." jisung laces his arms around his neck and sobs loudly.

"hey I'll wait out here, if he wants to stay just let me know and ill bring his stuff up. if not, i'll take him with me."

"it might be a while." changbin worries.

"that's fine. he's got my number in his phone, i need to go grocery shopping so you can just text me okay?"

"alright. thanks."

jisung buries his face in changbins neck.

"dont worry. ive got you."

changbin sits on his bed and lets jisung sit on his lap and curl up.

jisung cries for what feels like hours when in reality it was about 15 minutes, until he starts to sniffle and sit up.

changbin smiles softly. "hey, baby. you feeling better?"

jisung stares at him with wide, watery eyes and pouts. "yeah…"

"it's been a while, huh?" changbin wipes his cheeks and pushes some hair off jisungs forehead. "i like your hair. its really long."

jisung sighs. "i like yours." he runs his shaky fingers through changbins hair and older boy laughs. 

"it's the same."

"i still like it." jisung gently presses his forehead to changbins and closes his eyes.

"are you tired?" changbin whispers.

"very."

"you can sleep if you want."

"can i borrow some clothes?" 

"sure."

jisung slides away from changbin and sits with his legs crossed in the middle of changbins bed.

changbin throws him a shirt and some shorts.

jisung changes and lays down.

"sleep as long as you want." 

"hyung…?" 

"yes?"

"can you hold me?" 

"sure.."

"unless that hurts your feelings."

changbin goes quiet and jisung is sure his joke made him upset and he's about to just squeeze his eyes shut and cry some more when the bed dips behind him.

jisungs heart races and he feels changbins hands slowly trail around his waist and then pulled him back so they're spooning.

changbin presses his lips to jisungs shoulder softly. 

jisung lets out a shaky breath.

"ive got you. dont worry. you're safe and no one can touch you."

-

jisung wakes up incredibly warm.

he yawns and turns and he's literally nose to nose with changbin.

changbin blinks and his eyes glances down.

"please don't." jisung whispers, voice trembling.

"i wasn't going to…"

"i want to leave now."

"that's fine. you can tell felix."

"ill wait outside."

"alright." 

jisung stands and takes his phone and looks back to changbin in bed who is laying on his back.

"walk me to the door?" 

changbin stands and follows him out.

jisung stares at the door and then turns.

his hands shake as they reach up to cup changbins face.

changbins eyes shine and he smiles.

jisung kisses his nose and then his cheek and then he steps out the door and closes it.

the wait for felix felt like forever.

changbin watches him on the sidewalk for the whole time.

he sighs as jisung climbs into the car and drives away.

man that fucking hurt.


	7. time.skip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> just to avoid all the boring shit

5 months. 

and jisung was ... happy here.

they accepted him.

it was late on a Friday night and they were all in the living room. phoebe was asleep on felix and jisung lay across chans lap who subconsciously taps lightly on the skin of his stomach.

sylvester circles chans ankles and mewls loudly up to jisung.

"you out of food?" jisung asks, standing.

he stretches and follows the fat cat to the kitchen, filling his bowl.

he looks up to where his phone has sat for these 5 months on the kitchen shelf.

right next to the garlic salt.

he had barely touched it.

he takes it, wiping dust off and holding the power button. he prays there is some battery left.

the phone turns on and he smiles, leaning on the counter.

messages pop up, 6, all from changbin.

there was one from the night he left and the other 5 were the same day every month.

from: bin

you didn't have to leave. we could have figured this out. im sorry jisung. i love you okay?

jisung… will you talk now?

jisung? are you even alive anymore?

it's been 3 months jisung, where are you?

i love you jisung. please text or call soon.

jisung, i'm starting to worry a lot. call me.

jisung sighs and nibbles on his lip.

he types a short reply.

to: bin

im alive and well. call soon. xxx

jisung presses send before he can take it back and lets out a breath.

he returns to the couch. felix had taken phoebe to bed and went to bed himself.

"did you check your phone?" chan asks, not looking from the tv.

jisung sighs. "yeah.." he glances at the cold device in his hand.

"i can sleep in your bed tonight."

this had happened a few times. where jisung got really sad so chan held him for the night.

it just made jisung feel better.

"thank you."

chan turns the tv off and takes his empty beer bottles to the kitchen, tossing them.

jisung follows him upstairs.

the only clothes he owned were some of felix's bigger clothes and lots of chans.

he switches into one of chans shirts and felixs shorts and crawls into bed, setting his phone on the table, turning the light out and waiting for chan to return.

the door opens and closes, the bed dips, and jisung is engulfed in chans arms.

he sighs. "thank you."

"it's nothing." chan mumbles into his shoulder.

jisung falls asleep a few hours later, long after chan had started snoring.


	8. studio

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung has mood swings lol

jisung hasn't called yet. 

it had been a week. changbin hasn't called him either. he had read jisungs message though.

so he was definitely expecting the call.

but jisung really couldn't bring himself to do it.

he was scared, if he was honest, and he had started to write.

well, first he started drinking. 

he started getting angry. 

why had changbin just let him leave? why did he say such things when he knew jisung was healing? he was such an asshole. but fuck, jisung loved him so much.

after nights of getting drunk and writing songs that made no sense, one of his sober nights, he wrote a full song.

he started at the finished product then crept to chan and jisungs room.

"chan?" he asks. 

"what?" chan was already awake.

"can i have the keys to the studio? will felix let me drive his car?"

"what are you talking about?" 

"i wrote a song, and i want to make music for it."

"are you drunk again?"

"no. i haven't had a single drop."

"my keys are on the nightstand. the one with the faded keychain from you. the studio key is painted red. the corvette key is black."

"thank you."

jisung rushes, puts shoes on, snatches his phone and the paper, and quietly goes out into the dark yard.

its 2am.

he drives so slow, so he can see all the lights. hear the words to the songs that clubs are playing as he passes. he reaches the small building chan bought between a tattoo place and an apartment complex.

he converted it into his studio.

jisung unlocks the door and flicks the light on.

it was a mess but jisung pushes papers aside and plops in the chair, opening the program and beginning to work.

it had been a while since he had produced anything so he was rusty. but 9am came around and as he was finishing the first few bits, his phone rang.

"hello?" he asks, voice croaky.

"jisung, why aren't you home?" felix's voice comes through the phone. "chans on his way to work and phoebes on the bus for school but where are you?"

"im at chans studio. i came around 2 last night so i have the car. sorry. let me just finish a little and i'll be home before lunch."

"okay. tell chan he forgot to grab his wallet when he gets here but that i put that extra cash in the studios bathroom for these times."

"okay, see you."

jisung stretches and hastily saves the file, naming it "JISUNG" and shoving the paper into an empty notebook.

he scrawls his name on the top and places it on the empty desk across from chans and waits.

chan arrives a few minutes later.

"hey," he says.

"hey. lix says you left your wallet but there's cash in the bathroom."

chan nods. "you can have that desk. why don't you work with me? just have some fun since you write so much. i can help you get into the hang of things again."

"ill think about it."

and he did.

the next day he was already making the desk his.

chan had some pictures of the two of them along with felix and phoebe that he framed. he got some notebooks and chan got his extra computer and monitors.

chan even had an extra microphone for the makeshift recording area.

and the desk was his.

he had started helping chan with projects and songs for work and in return he got some of chans pay. which chan got paid A LOT. so that meant jisung had a good amount of money every week. so he started saving.

it was different than after that text. whe. he drank and got mad. he would yell and throw things. phoebe would be so scared of him. but it was the only way he could cope.

this felt so good. and it helped so much.

he bought some clothes and other things. 

some things for his desk and his now room.

he was making himself at home finally. it made chan and felix happy to see.

another 2 months pass and jisung was finally happy.

he was at the studio, finally putting together the recording and the music for that first song he had drawn out, when his phone rang.

he picked it up without looking.

"hello?"

"jisung oh. you answered."

"... hi changbin hyung…"


	9. come home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisung decides something.
> 
> jisungs song is somethings gotta give by all time low!

"uh. i didn't think you would answer.."

"i didn't look at the caller id."

"oh."

"yeah."

"you can hang up then."

"no. i was supposed to call."

"yeah."

"i wrote you a song."

jisung panics. he wasn't supposed to tell changbin the song was for him.

to be honest he didnt think about the song being for him.

"a song?"

"... yeah."

"can i...can i hear it?"

"maybe i don't know."

"okay."

"i…" jisungs voice gets quiet. "miss you.."

and the sadness was back.

"you could always come home."

"yeah. soon."

"soon? jisung… im really sorry. i didn't mean those things i said."

"yes you did. i don't have emotions." 

"jisung i really didn't mean it. i know you have feelings. i was just confused and hurt because ive been in love with you for so long and you never.. i don't know how to explain it."

"i was scared hyung, i was scared of loving you."

"i love you so much jisung. please come home. we can figure this out."

"can i sing you this first..?"

"yes. please." 

jisungs hands shake a little as he pulls the instrumental up and pushes play.

"i woke up in a stranger's bed  
with pins and needles in my head  
and the clock ticking off the wall  
oh, yeah, oh, yeah"

jisungs voice trembles.

"i don't even know myself  
i wish I could be someone else  
but I don't have a clue at all  
oh, yeah."

jisung felt a little more confident.

meanwhile changbin sits on the other end, feeling his heart ache.

"i'm sinking  
you're wading  
i'm thinking something's gotta give  
oh"

jisung hears the first hint of changbin crying.

"wake me up  
say enough is enough  
i'm dying to live  
something's gotta give  
oh"

jisung is not confident anymore

"pull me out  
of this sinking town  
i'm dying to live  
something's gotta give  
maybe I'm a fucking waste  
filling up the empty space  
ive been here way too long  
oh, yeah, oh, yeah"

jisung couldn't hold on much longer.

"i'm feeling like a nervous wreck  
living on my last paycheck  
i'm a cliché in a song  
and everybody's singing along  
i'm sinking  
you're wading  
i'm thinking something's gotta give  
oh"

he cant do it.

"wake me up  
say enough is enough  
i'm dying to live  
something's gotta give."

jisung pauses the instrumental and takes a breath.

changbin stares at the ceiling and lets out a breath.

"uh.."

theres a long pause and jisung stares at the window.

"jisung?"

"yeah?"

"come home."

"okay."


	10. home

jisung steps into the house and sets the keys down.

he sighs. 

"chan hyung?"

"yesss?" chan calls from the kitchen.

phoebe attacks his legs when he steps in and jisung just sweeps her up.

"i talked to changbin."

"yeah?"

felix and chan both look at him.

"yeah. im gonna go home."

they stare. "are you sure?" felix asks.

jisung nods and lets phoebe play with his earrings.

her little hands tug at his hair.

"im gonna go get my stuff but ill.. still work with you hyung. can i have my own key?" 

chan sighs, setting down the spoon and opening a cabinet. he hands jisung a key.

"stay for dinner and then i'll take you." felix says.

jisung nods and carries phoebe to his room who still pulls his hair and laughs.

"you're leaving??" she asks as he sets her down.

"yeah." jisung smiles.

"will you still visit to play with me?" she pouts.

jisung nods. "of course pheebs."

she kicks her legs on his bed as he gets his stuff together.

he takes the bag to the living room, phoebe right behind him and then sits at the table just as felix and chan finish cooking.

they eat in silence.

when they finish, felix stands, kisses chan and then heads outside with his keys.

"ill visit." jisung smiles at chan and leans down to kiss his cheek. "thank you so much."

"love you sungie." chan says quietly.

"love you too hyung."

jisung hugs phoebe, grabs his bag and goes to the car.

felix is silent for the ride.

"thank you.." jisung smiles as felix parks.

"you're welcome anytime jisung." he gives a weak smile. "text me."

jisung nods and steps out, grabbing his bag.

he takes the stairs slowly.

he stands at the door for a good few minutes before stepping in.

"jisung??" changbin calls as the door shuts.

then he's in front of jisung.

jisung smiles. "hi hyung."

changbin engulfs him in a warm hug and jisung sighs, sinking into it.

"let me take this." changbin takes his bag and carries it to his room.

it sits the same as before. untouched. except his bed.

"have you slept here??" jisung asks.

changbins ears go red. "yeah. i missed you. its been like nearly a year jisung."

"has it been that long?"

changbin sighs. "yeah."

jisung stares at him. "you can sleep here tonight."

changbins face lights up. "you're not mad at me anymore??"

jisung sighs. "no. but this doesn't mean we are like…together…" 

changbin nods fast. "of course. ill ask you. dont worry."

jisung bites his lip and plays with his shirt.

"are you tired?"

jisung shrugs.

"hungry?"

he shakes his head no.

"okay… wanna watch a movie?"

jisung shrugs. "i guess."

they head to the living room and jisung sits as changbin picks a movie.

when changbin sits down, its a good distance.

jisung itches to touch him.

20 minutes in and lots of fidgeting later, jisung slides over and lifts changbins arm to settle into his side and relaxes.

changbins arm wraps around him and his other hand grabs his legs and pulls them onto his lap, flattening his palm on his thigh, holding them there.

jisung holds his shirt and nestles even closer.

changbin rubs his leg and shuffles.

jisung feels him kiss the top of his head.

jisung was so tired.

it was about halfway through when jisung starts drifting to sleep.

changbins hand still rubs softly.

jisung doesnt remember when he falls asleep but he wakes up as changbin lifts him.

"go back to sleep." changbin whispers.

jisung lets his head fall on changbins shoulder and falls asleep somewhere between changbin putting him in bed and changbin pulling him back into his chest.

"i love you jisung."

**Author's Note:**

> i write aus on Twitter @binseobins


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